It has been 3 years since I was last in a relationship, I’ve tried to convince myself for the last 2 of those years that I was happier single, but I’m not.

I’m sick of being lonely, I’m sick of never having sex because I’m so awkward and I can’t keep letting myself obsess over the past.

This is me admitting to myself that things have only got worse while I’ve been attempting convincing everyone that I am happier than ever, or at least less depressed than ever.

Shit shit shit shit shit

My dad went to the hospital for a check up because he had to have a skin cancer removed a couple of months ago and they wanted to see if it had spread.

It turns out it has, my dad was in a bit of a state when he spoke to my mum on the phone so all we know is that they found cancer in his body and he needs a more serious operation followed possibly by chemotherapy…

I’m kind of in shock myself, I never really thought this would happen to my dad :(

So annoyed I’ve been ill all weekend, there was a squat party in an empty bank last night on London Road and Featurecast are playing tonight at the Volks, such a shitty weekend to be ill

OMG OMG OMG

I have an interview tomorrow!

And it isn’t even the one I was waiting for! which means if I don’t get it I still have another interview!

Finally started applying for jobs

fingers crossed I can get employed soooon!

I always get feelings of nostalgia and homesickness when I look at pictures of Brighton, even though I’m sitting here right now, in Brighton…

It took every bit of mental and physical effort I could muster just to stand up today.

I feel like a recovering smack-head or something, what is this shit?!

And I need to leave my house in under 2 hours to go and get my shoes back and give the shoes I came home in back to my friend (they were girls shoes and 3 sizes too small for me, HOW THE FUCK DID I MANAGE TO FIT IN THEM?!)

I think my new years resolution is going to be to quit drugs properly.

I’d already nearly managed it but then this last week I have relapsed and been sniffing pretty much every day, and after waking up this morning without much memory of when I got there, without my shoes and feeling horribly anxious and crippled with stomach pain I’ve decided enough is enough.

Here’s to sobriety!